The Many Firsts Of Lavi
by AlwaysMoreFun
Summary: The first time Lavi saw her was in a room full of corpses. Lavi would never forget what his single eye saw that day: a beautiful face stained with tears and blood, lips trembling with fear, and enchanting purple eyes full of some deep sorrow Lavi couldn't even begin to imagine. That was how he met Lenalee Lee.


**So I love Lavilena and this has been bouncing around half finished in my folders for weeks and I finally finished it so enjoy!**

 **(Blantant Yullen side pairing also, and there's an accompany fic for the Yullen version of this story finished in my folders waiting to be published so if you hate Yullen maybe avoid...)**

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 **Disclaimer: I do not own DGM or it's beautiful characters**

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xxxxx

The first time Lavi saw her was in a room full of corpses.

She was bent over a coffin, shoulders shaking as she wept for the deceased. Lavi didn't think much of her, eye leaving her form to scan the rest of the room. That was until she turned to face him, capturing his gazing again. Lavi would never forget what his single eye saw that day: a beautiful face stained with tears and blood, lips trembling with fear, and enchanting purple eyes full of some deep sorrow Lavi couldn't even begin to imagine.

That was how he met Lenalee Lee.

xxxxx

The first time Lavi spoke to her was a week after he joined the order as an innocence accommodator or exorcist as they called them.

She had a musical voice, one that was pleasant to listen to as she animatedly explained how Johnny made the exorcist uniforms. She held up the mid thigh length jacket and beamed at the red head exclaiming, "he worked all night on this, he's more proud of it than Kanda's!"

Lavi didn't have the heart to tell her he thought the length was weird or the colour was off, he simply just took the jacket, smiled, and said, "thanks, Lena! I'll have to thank Johnny later too!"

Her eyes widened a fraction as he spoke and he ran through what he'd just said trying to work out what was weird about it. Lavi had spent years perfecting the art of friendliness and charisma, all to make it easier for him to slip in and out of whatever history they were recording.

"What?" Lavi asked lightly after a minute of being unable to figure out what it was he'd said that sounded off.

She blinked at him in surprise, and smiled shyly, "oh nothing, I was just caught off guard by you calling me 'Lena'."

"Oh," Lavi mumbled, feeling something akin to embarrassment. He rubbed the back of his head, "sorry, I tend to give out nicknames without thinking."

She giggled, Lavi noticed the way her eyes crinkled when she did so. Something that made her look like the child she actually was rather than the hardened warrior, "I've noticed, Kanda was pretty annoyed about you calling him 'Yuu'."

Lavi chuckled, "he _is_ fun to annoy." He squared his eyesight with hers, "I can stop calling you Lena if you want."

"Oh, no! Don't do that!" She seemed flustered and Lavi wasn't sure what to do with the lively girl, "I was surprised, but I like it."

Lavi felt the grin spread across his face before he'd ordered himself to do so, "Lena it is."

xxxxx

The first time Lavi witnessed her resolve to protect her friends was high up in the night sky in the middle of a bloody battle of life and death.

He watched the girl twirl through the air gracefully as she kicked herself off of his own hammer handle. He felt his chest constrict and his airways become filled with fire as he heard her dainty voice ask him to return to the ship. Logically he knew he had to, he was in no condition to fight and at the rate he and Bookman were losing blood they were both going to die soon. But logic seemed to escape him as he watched the fiery young girl throw herself at the level three, forcing it towards the ocean with a roundhouse kick. He called out her name in desperation, knowing she was already gone, and found his way back into the safety of Miranda's barrier.

The next few hours that passed Lavi could honestly say were the worst of his entire life.

Of all the battles, all the wars, all the lost 'comrades', all the dangerous endeavours, waiting for Lenalee Lee to return from her battle with the level three was the longest and most unsettling wait of his life.

He didn't know what over came him in that moment but something inside him snapped and he found himself rushing after the girl frantically, ignoring the pleas of his other so called comrades as he went. Only one thought consumed him, _where the hell is Lenalee._ It wasn't until he caught sight of Miranda's distraught face after he'd basically accused her of not caring about Lenalee that he realised what he was doing. He was treating her as a real human being rather than a soldier in a war.

He didn't dwell on the realisation as he threw himself into his mission to find the brave girl, he just simply focused on making sure she was safe, Bookmen guilt could come later.

When he found her body he almost cried with relief, the emotions welling inside him completely foreign and entirely disturbing. As he took sight of the incredible crystallite stature she was caught inside it was easy to tell himself he was simply there to witness and record a ground-breaking moment in history. That's all it was, history.

The tears that over flowed from his singular eye at the girl's wonder of still being apart of the mortal world were harder to explain away. He didn't care about Lenalee Lee he told himself over and over again; she was simply a candidate for the heart, an important piece of history, and one that he only watched with such an intense and consuming energy because she was the possible hope for the world. It had nothing to do with the fact that his eyes were drawn to the way her fingers ran nervously through her newly short hair, or that his fingers itched towards her open and gentle hands, or that his non existent heart did a strange sort of flip flop when she smiled earnestly.

She was history, nothing more, nothing less.

xxxxx

The first time Lavi watched her heart break was the day Allen came waltzing back into the order with red cheeks and a very fidgety Kanda Yuu trailing behind him absently.

The two looked down right suspicious, both glowing with some sort of aura only love can bring and stealing embarrassed glances at each other when they thought no one else was looking. It was fair to say it took everyone in the room with half a brain two seconds to work out what had transpired between the two.

Lavi's initial reaction was joy; his friends had finally cracked and admitted all that 'hatred' was really sexual tension and little something else they didn't want to acknowledge. Amusement followed, he wondered how long he could purposely embarrass the two in public before they figured out he, along with everyone else, knew. Then realisation dawned on him, Lenalee.

It was no secret the sweet-hearted girl had a thing for Allen, and when he said 'thing' he meant earth shattering, mind-blowing adoration for the white haired boy. Well, it wasn't a secret to anyone who wasn't said boy. Sometimes it absolutely baffled, and annoyed, Lavi how Allen hadn't picked up on Lenalee's obvious crush on him because Lavi, and many others including Kanda himself, sure had. His name sounded sweeter in her mouth than anyone else's. Every time he entered a room her eyes lit up and she moved to make space for the boy to sit near her. When he was absent she spent the entire time searching for the boy, completely ignoring her surroundings to the extent that even _Komui_ had snapped at her to pay attention. One time Lavi even caught her putting on lip-gloss and smiling shyly at her own reflection, he had safely assumed the shiny pink substance wasn't meant to impress Jerry.

So when Allen came into the dining room after obviously confirming his feelings for the swordsman Lenalee just looked completely and utterly _heart broken._

Lavi took in her expression, wide eyes full of sorrow and surprise, lip trembling from supressed tears, cheeks red from embarrassment, it was just what he'd expected. What he _hadn't_ expected was how it made him feel. He felt angry and not just 'how could you Kanda' angry but down right _furious._

A part of him, that was getting larger by the second, wanted nothing more than to storm over to where the new lovebirds were sitting, grab Allen by the collar and just shake him. Shake him for not noticing Lenalee's affections. Shake him for falling in love with her best friend. Most of all shake him for passing up a girl like Lenalee. Surely if he knew that Lenalee Lee, kind hearted, strong, beautiful Lenalee Lee was in love with him he would dump the grumpy swordsman in a heart beat and confess his undying love to her. Problem was Lavi knew he wouldn't, and that's what pissed him off the most. No matter what he did, he couldn't erase that look from her face, no the only one who could do that was currently making googly eyes at a beautiful man on the other side of the room.

And as he watched Lenalee excuse herself and rush out of the room he realised he was jealous. That was when he knew for the sake of his future as Bookman he had to distance himself from the girl with the enchanting purple eyes.

xxxxx

The last time Lavi saw her was four years after he first met her.

It was a brief moment, a simple passing as the two made their way to their respective assignments, but one he would never forget for it was the last time he would ever see the girl with the enchanting purple eyes called Lenalee Lee.

She'd smiled at him tightly but reassuringly in that way that only she could manage to do and said, "I'll see you when we get home, Lavi."

He'd smiled in return, the big dorky grin he knew put people at ease even at the worst of times, "look forward to it, Lena-Lady."

She'd laughed lightly but something in her eyes had told him she knew it wouldn't be that simple. Maybe she'd sensed that that was their last meeting for she reached her hand out and rested it upon his cheek, ignoring Bookman's reproachful glare, "just make it out alive, Lavi." She said softly, "Promise me you won't die."

A voice in his head pointed out loudly that she'd said 'make it out' rather than 'make it home' but he smothered it with as much force as possible. He laughed in a show of fake optimism, "of course! He said cheerily, waving her off as casually as humanly possible when it felt like your lungs were caught in a tight vice, "it's not that easy to get rid of me!"

Her purple eyes held a deep sadness as they watched him walk down the corridor and out of her life.

When he'd first been caught by the Noah named Sheril he'd fought his way out of his shackles as hard as he could, wanting anything but to suffer through this cruel torment for god knows how long. The moment he'd seen Bookman concede, however, he felt the fight drain out of him and he found himself resigned to his fate. A hostage, that's what he was. He wanted to laugh at the irony, as if the position was anything new to him, he'd been a hostage the day he'd become the apprentice of the Bookmen, a hostage to his own damned attachment free fate.

Sitting in the same chair in the same position for months had left him with more time to think than he'd ever been given nor wanted. The endless darkness forced him to recall the things he'd never let himself touch while living his life as a Bookman. The faces of those he'd come to care about despite his best efforts not to. Krory's flustered face when he was caught doing something embarrassing and his floundering explanations in defence. Miranda's panicked voice supplying endless apologies for things he wasn't even sure she knew what for. Komui and his ridiculous Komuirins reeking havoc among the order on a weekly basis. Kanda's angry face as he called him 'Yuu' and bounded towards him in a manner he knew would aggravate the man. Allen and his kind – albeit fake – smile as he laughed at a joke Lavi made or reprehended him for something stupid. Bookman's reproachful face as he nailed some important Bookmen fact into his head while turning a blind eye to Lavi's joker antics.

And then there was _her._

Lenalee Lee with the hair that shone like a green ribbon in the sunlight, and the smile that could chase away even the darkest of doubts. Lenalee Lee with the kind heart and the brave soul that fought to protect her world of friends and family. Lenalee Lee with the forgiving nature that could accept the relationship between her best friend and the boy she loved, and find it in herself to afford kindness towards the heartless man with the eye patch. Lenalee Lee with the enchanting purple eyes that had haunted Lavi's dreams since the very first day he saw her in the room full of corpses.

In his never ending darkness he swore sometimes he could hear her brilliant laugh trickling in through the cracks in the walls. Or feel her gentle yet sure hands resting on his rawest of wounds, healing them with her beautiful soul itself. The worst was when he saw those eyes watching him from a place he knew he would never be able to reach, not then, not now, not _ever._

He missed her. He missed her so much it felt like his newly discovered heart was being torn to shreds with every thought that passed through his unstable mind containing her. He wanted nothing more than to see her again and hold her and tell her all of the things he was too scared to say before. If he ever got out of that damn chair he would do just that. He would tell her he loved her and that he was infatuated with her very existence and he regretted every single second he'd taken distancing himself from her because he was terrified of the heart she made him grow. Bookman be damned.

These thoughts were the only thing keeping him sane, even though deep down he knew that he would never ever see that lively, beautiful girl again. He was going to die here.

He supposed he should be thankful he wouldn't have to see her captivating purple eyes leak tears for the miserable existence that was Bookman Junior.

xxxxx

The first time Bookman saw her was on the icy streets of London.

The war had been over for almost six years ending with the demise of the Earl and a good portion of the Noah. Last Bookman had heard the remaining exorcists whose lives had not been lost in the violent battle were tracking down the remaining kin of the Earl, seeking their destruction along with the remaining Akuma's.

He'd been estranged from his life as Lavi the exorcist of the Black Order the day he'd been captured by the Noah of Desire. He'd never returned to the Order upon his freedom, he hadn't needed to – the war was over, the battle won and the history having been lost in the absence of the two Bookmen. Well, the _one_ Bookman.

Bookman had wondered alone for years, refusing to take on an apprentice, as the silent loneliness was the only thing reminding him of his duty, keeping his half formed heart at bay. That didn't mean he'd been able to shut out all remnants of his former life as Lavi.

He'd heard whispers, as they do come, of those he knew in a life he'd lost.

The Destroyer of Time – _not_ Allen Walker, he had to remind himself, had come back from total traitor to esteemed hero of the Order. From what he'd gathered of the tad bits of information he'd heard, the boy turned hero had briefly returned to the Order after a long stint as a runaway and the Fourteenth Noah only to disappear again upon the conclusion of the battle. He'd heard the Second Exorcist had disappeared right along side him, probably finally finding their peace that had so long escaped them both. Lavi would've been happy for them. Names of people he'd long forgotten had come to his knowledge of belonging to the deceased in that particular battle, he'd never afforded himself the time to grieve as he didn't have the right to do so, being a man without a heart and all.

The world of the Exorcists and Noah had been at peace for half a decade, the Order shutting down and it's residents free to live their own lives. The only person he hadn't heard about was _her_.

He had no idea if she was still a part of this world or if had succumbed to the fierce battle as her brother had. He didn't let himself dwell on the despair she must've felt as her only family left the world. Or the sorrow she would've experienced when her two remaining family members had abandoned her in favour of their joint freedom. Much the way he did.

That was why when he saw a flash of green ribbon hair and a pair of shiny red heels he was almost convinced he'd conjured up the image of her in his guilt and supressed longing. It wasn't until he caught sight of the wide purple eyes, full of shock and was that – hope? – Enchanting as ever, staring straight into his lone green eye that he felt his long dead heart start to beat again.

The world seemed to slow down before screeching to abrupt stop as the dainty woman with the tiny black skirt made her way towards him. She was as beautiful as his memory had preserved her and it made his heart ache, how he had _longed_ to see this woman again. He reigned in his dead emotions as they desperately tried to revive but lost all control when she opened her tiny mouth, her voice as stunning as he remembered, "Hi Lavi."

It was in that moment, when she spoke and the world launched back into motion, that he knew: he'd never be able to forget Lenalee Lee and her enchanting purple eyes.

He faintly remembered a desperate time that seemed to stretch on for eternity yet pass as quickly as a single blink of an eye where he promised he would never shut out his feelings for this girl had he the chance to meet her again.

His revived heart pounded in his chest as he told her, "It's Bookman now."

He didn't miss the subtle sad twist of her beautiful mouth and he felt the prickling of long ignored tears around the corners of his eyes. The emotions flooding him once he'd allowed them to resurface.

She shook her head and smiled at him and he wondered why he'd ever thought he could ignore this incredible woman because if Kanda could come back from the dead for Allen – a rumour he wasn't sure held much truth but knowing Kanda Yuu it was very damn well possible – why the hell couldn't he? He'd seen more incredible things in his many lifetimes.

He loved her and he'd waited long enough to tell her.

"I've missed you." She said softly into the long silence.

"I've missed you too."

And it took him ten years but he finally kissed her.

xxxxx

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